Just cropdusted the office
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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