it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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