I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
