dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
