she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
