Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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