i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
a search helicopter?!
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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