Plan B is the new Plan A
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
