I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
