guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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