I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
