I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize