her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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