I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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