hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
