One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
