If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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