It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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