i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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