Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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