he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
