Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
