She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
