He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
