Yo dont text me then not text me
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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