Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
