Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize