I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
