Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Houston, we have a squirter
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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