it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
