U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
