I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
