you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
