Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
