you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
