no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
