Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
