i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
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