Already got asked if we're dating
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
