hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
