I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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