That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
