shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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