So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
