i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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