Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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