You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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