Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
