He asked to "fluff my boner.."
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
