those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
