I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
