"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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