His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
