I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
