I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize