So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
