he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
This baby is an asshole
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
