We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize