i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
