yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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