i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
