"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
