Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
