you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize