i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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