you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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