There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
