Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
